What is the Superior Pet?

By Adaline Bisese and Summer Williamson

Animals have evolved over the centuries to become perfect pets, but is there really a superior pet? There are thousands of domesticated animals to choose from as a first-time or long-term pet owner. This list contains ten common pets with their most favorable attributes and worst characteristics giving you the opportunity to learn about your pet before purchase.

  • Dog?

What a classic species of mammal. These stinky, hairy, wet, animals are the go to pet for the general population, and with good reason. Dogs seem to be naturally inclined to dote and love on people, giving their human’s lonely souls the validation they so desperately crave. The innocence and unbreakable bond of loyalty dogs share with their owners makes this pet a strong candidate for the superior pet. However, dogs often succumb to their destructive tendencies and they have no respect for personal space. Too many times I have returned home to discover that my dog has once again gotten into the trash or shattered an urn. We say, they can’t be blamed, they are just a dog, but can trust really be so blindly placed in these creatures?

  • Cat

Cats are a mystery. They disappear and reappear as they please with no clue as to where they have been. Their silence, independence, and fluffiness is part of the draw to these felines. Cats are popular across the globe and are stigmatized in numerous cultures as being supernatural entities with connection to spiritual realms. How does that affect their status as the potentially superior pet? We don’t know. The downside of cats is that they can be cold, uncaring, and even cruel sometimes. They always appear to be creepily watching you with slitted, judging eyes void of emotion. Some cats are also prone to being as destructive as dogs at time -- particularly in the demolition of furniture department. Not to mention the litter box.

  • Goldfish you won at a fair

Goldfish are great pets for those on a budget. The small orange fish can be won at a variety of games at almost any county or state fair. Once you have acquired a fish, don’t be afraid to take it for a walk, swim, ride, or bike. Fish tend to be very versatile. One more fun fact about fish is you don’t have to even look at them! They do not exist if you don’t look at them!

  • Cactus

Ouch. You can’t pet them, but you will never need to take it for a walk or clean its litter box. They filter your air and all you have to do is water them every once in a while, or if you ever even remember to. They are a trendy and attractive step up from plastic plants and a step down from the hassle of a eating, breathing, and pooping pet. If you want to get into gardening scene or try to care of something other than yourself without much commitment, then this is the best pet.

  • Snake

Ah snakes, they have such a bad rap, but it’s time that the tamed and domesticated reptiles are exonerated from their evil stereotype. The desire’s of a pet snake are simple: eat mice and bask in a heat lamp on an artificial rock. They do not require much attention, if any at all. If you want, you can hold it and let it slither around your body as if it was trying to constrict and swallow you, but that’s not for the snake’s pleasure. Holding them is comparable to holding a possessed spaghetti noodle, and we like that. Snakes probably will not be deemed the superior pet.

  • Various assorted rodents

If you are someone who has trouble picking a pet, various assorted rodents are the pet for you. Various assorted rodents look different every time you see them. One of the best parts of owning a various assorted rodent is you don’t even need to buy a cage because once it has been released in to your home, it lives with you! As my father always said, “A pet under your house is a closer pet!”

  • An illegal elephant

So you went on an exotic excursion to Thailand and found a stellar deal on a potentially illegal elephant. Who can’t resist an offer like that? Elephants are wonderful, intelligent, and docile animals, but they tragically take up more space than most people have. Not to mention the amount of water and food they consume per day. If you have the proper arrangements, papers, and veterinarians for these gentle giants, then go for it, otherwise, they are being put in our back pockets for the superior pet nomination.

  • The million dollar horse

So you want something to brag about? You go out, buy a $100,000 arabian horse, maybe two or three even. Maybe you ride the horse, maybe you don’t, but you love it and invest all your money in it. That’s cool. Horses are similar to elephants in nature and don’t take up as much space -- still a lot though -- but then your horse(s) run away because they are wild creatures that yearn to be free. That was a lesson we all learned when we watched the 2002 movie, Spirit. I just realized that movie was released during the year of the horse.

  • A hermit crab

Hermit crabs do not seem like a favorable pet, but they have characteristics that can not be beat. First of all, they don't have claws [actually they do]. There is no pain in owning a hermit crab. They are also a pet that you will love for years until your sister forgets to feed them for a week while you are in florida and they die.

  • Monkey

They rip off your face, do not buy one.

All of these creatures make great pets given the proper circumstances. Some are low-maintenance while others make you want to pull your hair out, but they are all lovable. Our superior pet verdict is that various assorted rodents trumps all the other competition. They are the smallest hassle, most surprising, and potentially most rabid of all the contestants. No question.